


closing the door you leave the world behind

by blackwell



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Break Up, Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, Light BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1863210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackwell/pseuds/blackwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You care about me,” she says. “I care about you, too, Tony. It’s just that I’m not Rhodey, and you’re not…whoever I’m supposed to be with. You’re not him. Or her.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is, for no reason in particular, from "Cold as Ice." And the actual story-story will be along in a couple days; this is mostly set-up.

“May I ask you something that may be too personal?”

She has been showing Phil to the door, and he has just asked her this question. He speaks in the same tone he would use to compliment the artwork on the wall, but she has come to understand that this is ordinary for Phil.

“I suppose.”

“You and Tony. Are you happy?”

He folds his hands and rests them in the small of his back, which she thinks means he is uncertain.

“You mean together?”

“I do.”

She hesitates, but she tries not to let it show. “Why do you ask?”

“I just…”

It’s his clear discomfort that gives him away; Phil Coulson is rarely uncomfortable with anything.

“You saw him. With Rhodey.”

Phil’s smile is rueful. “I did.”

“I…” Now it’s Pepper’s voice that trails off; Pepper who doesn’t have anything to say. “Monogamy isn’t Tony’s strong point, Phil. I understand that.”

“And you don’t mind?”

“No.”

Phil gives her a sharp smile that she’s pretty sure means he thinks she’s lying. 

“Well then. Have a good day, Pepper.”

 

He leaves her standing in the hallway and wondering if he was right—if she was lying.

Pepper has never placed a very high value on monogamy. It’s loyalty she requires, both in herself and others. She doesn’t mind the touches she has seen Tony and Rhodey exchange; she doesn’t mind the kiss they shared in an alcove as she walked past.

She does mind something, though, and she can’t put her finger on what it is.

 

She’s reading when Tony gets into bed that night.

It’s later than she would usually be up; she hasn’t been able to quiet her mind enough to sleep. She’s going to have to do something about that.

Pepper Potts has never been a procrastinator. She puts her bookmark in and turns to Tony.

“This isn’t working.”

He doesn’t look directly at her. “What’re you using? Nook, Kindle, IPad?”

She presses her lips together too tightly. She’s going to miss this man. “It’s a hardcover.”

“Oh.” He looks right at her now. “What’s not working, then?”

“This.” Pepper thinks she might cry. “Us.”

Tony sits up, leans forward, buries his face in his hands. “You know about Rhodey.”

“I’ve known about Rhodey for a long time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be. I don’t like being lied to, Tony.”

“I…” Tony still hasn’t drawn his hands away from his face, and she can’t see his expression. “I thought you’d be angrier.”

“I thought so, too.”

“Look, Pepper, I…”

“You care about me,” she says. “I care about you, too, Tony. It’s just that I’m not Rhodey, and you’re not…whoever I’m supposed to be with. You’re not him. Or her.”

Tony looks up, and she can see his face for the first time since that conversation began. It seems frozen in place, oddly expressionless. “Her?”

She shrugs. “Why not?”

He doesn’t say anything.

“Do you want me to go?”

A bit of life returns to Tony’s features. “What? No. No, I’ll go.”

She sets her book aside on the nightstand—she had been clinging to it since they started talking.

“Don’t be stupid. It’s your house—I’ll go.”

But he’s already out of bed, halfway to the door and not looking back.

 

She moves out. She gets an apartment that she decorates with modern art and clean-lined furniture. She never leaves coffee cups lying around, and she plays smooth jazz on a low volume to calm her nerves. If she stays up past midnight, it’s only because she’s at work.

“Work” is still Stark Industries. Tony Stark is still Tony Stark. They hold themselves apart at first, but slowly, surely, they draw back together again. 

A part of Pepper still misses Tony’s warm body under her hands, the look on his face when she caught him by surprise and kissed him. Mostly, though, she’s just grateful to call Tony Stark her friend.

She’s still one of two people welcome in his workshop, the other being Rhodey, of course. 

At first, Tony and Rhodey are reserved when she’s there, as if either of them could possibly be laboring under the delusion that she doesn’t know about their relationship. In time, though, a feeling of comfort grows between the three of them, and things change.

Rhodey rests his hand on Tony’s shoulder when he’s working. Tony catches Rhodey’s fingers in his as he moves past him. 

It makes Pepper’s throat tighten to see it, because it’s exactly what she’s always wanted, that intimacy. She wants to meet someone whose presence by her side will be steady and unassuming. She wants to trust and be trusted.

Much later, she realizes that that’s where her relationship with Tony went wrong in the first place. He was always trying to sweep her away when what she wanted was to be anchored. 

Clarity brings Pepper peace, but not joy. It’s harder than she expected to make a life for herself outside of Tony Stark. She doesn’t doubt that it would be easier if she had another job, but she isn’t willing to consider quitting.

So she works with what she’s been given. She befriends Happy, and is delighted to discover that he isn’t half as tedious as she always suspected he was.

She’s the tedious one. She’s the one with nothing to do, the one who bores her friends with the too-mundane details of her life.

She takes to spending more time at home.

 

Phil calls.

It’s so unexpected that she almost doesn’t recognize his voice on the other end of the line. “Phil? How did you get this number?”

“Stark gave it to me. I told him I missed talking to you.”

She’s oddly flattered. She sits down on her firm leather sofa and crosses her ankles. “So this is a social call, then?”

“A quick one. There’s going to be a SHIELD party—quite the affair, I’m told—at the Triskelion next week. I was wondering if you’d like to come.”

She frowns. “Is this a date?”

He chuckles. “I’m afraid I’m spoken for. Honestly, Pepper, I just thought it would be good for you.”

She only hesitates for a moment. “Alright. I’ll come.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit shorter than I thought it would be, but such is life.

She wears blue.

It’s an old standby of hers, blue—she learned long ago that her hair and complexion didn’t lend themselves particularly well to experimentation with color.

Wearing the same rich shade of blue everywhere doesn’t bother Pepper in the least. She looks good, and she knows it.

Phil compliments her on her dress the instant she slips past the attendant into the main room.

“Thank you,” she says, and her smile is only a little bit forced. “You don’t look bad, yourself.”

That’s true enough. Phil in a tuxedo, though, is a strange sight—on anyone else, his outfit would seem excessively formal, but he barely appears to be dressed up. She’s never seen him out of a suit, after all.

“Would you care for a drink?” he asks her, and she nods, relieved. A bit of champagne is exactly what she needs if she’s to make it through this evening with her mind intact.

Pepper is already regretting agreeing to come. It’s disconcerting to know, as Phil walks her across the room, that many of the people she passes are trained killers. They all seem so normal, in their tuxes and their evening gowns—this could be any other high-society event, and if there’s one thing Pepper knows, it’s high-society events.

But then a redheaded woman brushes past her, and as she walks away, Pepper sees the gun at her hip. The illusion is shattered. 

Phil looks up at her and frowns. “You remember Natasha, don’t you?”

She hesitates. “Natalie?”

He nods. “Don’t worry, I assure you she’s harmless.” 

Pepper’s knowledge of trained assassins is limited, and she never knew ‘Natalie Rushman’ as well as she thought she did, but she can still tell that that’s bullshit. She raises an eyebrow at Phil, and he has the grace to look abashed.

“Well, actually, she’s quite dangerous. But not to you. She likes you.”

That’s news to Pepper, but she decides to take it as a positive sign. If she’s managed to find herself on the good side of a world-renowned assassin without even trying, perhaps she can just relax and enjoy the evening. 

She takes a deep breath, letting herself feel it all the way down to her toes. Phil hands her a glass of champagne, and she takes a drink—it’s good. The party is good. Everything’s good.

Phil wasn’t wrong about her needing to get out of her apartment.

 

As the night wears on, though, Pepper begins to feel increasingly out of her element. She has always taken pride in her social skills, but here, she doesn’t know anyone but Phil. Small talk isn’t coming as easily to her as it usually does; do trained assassins even care about the weather?

She feels discombobulated; she’s dropped her clutch somewhere. 

“Phil? Phil?” She drags him away from the cluster of men he has been talking to. “Have you seen my clutch?”

“Your clutch?”

One of the men glares at her over Phil’s head, and she instantly feels guilty. “Never mind. I think I know where I left it.”

She makes her way through the throng of people, looking. She has to find that clutch. Her phone and all her cards are in there.

Someone taps her on the shoulder. She turns and sees a woman in a dark dress and glasses that frame her sharp eyes.

“Are you looking for this?” It’s her clutch.

“Yes! Thank you, thank you so much.”

The woman gives her an elusive smile. “No trouble. I found in on the floor.”

“Thank you. I’m a bit confused this evening—I don’t really belong here, I’m afraid.”

There’s something a little disconcerting about the way the woman doesn’t contradict her. “Coulson brought you, didn’t he?”

She nods.

“You must be a good friend of his, then. Coulson doesn’t date.”

Pepper senses a way into conversation, and she seizes it. “Do you know him well?”

“Hardly. But they assigned Romanoff to him for a reason, everyone knows that.”

Pepper’s totally lost, and it must show on her face, because the woman continues talking—slowly, as if to a child. “They wanted someone who wouldn’t find her…distracting.”

“And you didn’t qualify?”

Pepper almost chokes on her own words; she has no idea where that came from. The woman gives her a look that suggests she doesn’t know, either. She turns sharply and walks away, leaving Pepper alone once more.

 

She’s standing above the sink in the restroom, staring at her reflection in the long mirror that stretches from wall to wall. She looks worse than she thought she did; it’s been several hours since she put her face on back in the hotel room.

One of the stall doors behind her swings open. Two sinks down, the sharp-eyed woman from before steps up to the mirror.

Pepper watches—subtly, she hopes—as the stranger begins to reapply her mascara.

This is SHIELD, though. No one is ever subtle enough for them.

“I didn’t catch your name earlier,” the woman says.

“I’m Pepper. Pepper Potts.” She feels oddly naked, as if she has already revealed all of herself to this stranger.

“Victoria Hand.”

Victoria Hand hasn’t looked away from her own reflection in the mirror; she seems intent on retouching her already impeccable makeup. “Tell me, Miss Potts,” she says. “Are you a lesbian?”

“I…excuse me?”

“Very rude, don’t you think, to ask a strange woman if she’s gay when you aren’t yourself? That is what you did back there—you know that, don’t you?”

Pepper doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, she doesn’t have to say anything at all.

“Take off your dress,” Victoria says, and Pepper’s hands obey.

“And your bra.”

Victoria locks the bathroom door, and Pepper stands nearly naked in the middle of the room. Her nipples harden at the touch of the air. She feels so vulnerable, so exposed, and so beautiful.

“Come to me,” Victoria says, and Pepper does.

Victoria bends to kiss her breasts, and the act is strangely intimate, though it doesn’t last. Victoria’s hands urge Pepper onto her knees, guide her head between Victoria’s legs.

Pepper has never tasted a woman before, but she’s always thought she might like it.

She’s right.

 

Pepper leaves the party with Victoria half an hour later. She doesn’t tell Phil where she’s going.

She suspects he wouldn’t be surprised.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://blackwellwrites.tumblr.com/)!


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